Monday, May 5, 2008

Journal Entry

"Is dawk ouside".

Her two year old voice was too young for her vocabulary. But still she talked on. It was about eight o'clock, and I had just rocked her little sister to sleep. The recliner made a soft ticking sound as I kept rocking, just to make sure she was fully asleep before I attempted to put her in her bed. Her two year old sister, tan,
gorgeous dark curly hair, and the cutest eyes you have ever seen, was leaning over the arm wrest beside me. She loved her little sister so much. But she was preoccupied with what was outside. So she told me again.

"Is dawk ouside. We can no go pay ouside."

She told me so matter-of-fact, shaking her head and pursing her lips, that I couldn't help but smile.

"That's right. It's too dark to go play outside right now."

She looked down for a minute. I glanced down to see her little sister open her eyes a little bit, so I continued rocking. She was so precious. Then the silence broke. Her big sister looked up at me with a soft glimmer in her eyes, that matched the tiny smile on her face.

"The dawk is good!"

I paused and looked at her. Most two year olds are frightened of the dark, or are at least annoyed by its presence because it interrupts their playtime, and is the cause of baths and bedtime. But she was still smiling at me, and an excited look was dawning her face. I looked at her for an answer.

"The dawk is good. God made the dawk!"

The dark is good. God made the dark. I repeated it to myself in my head, staring at her in disbelief. She was still looking at me, bouncing up and down a little bit. At that moment, I think I got goosebumps all over. It was one of those warm shivers you get when something amazing happens. I looked at her and smiled. It was genuine. God has many ways of teaching us life lessons. This one hit me hard.


As I relayed the story to my mom and sisters, I started choking up. I began thinking about all the times I had questioned God's goodness. Why? Because I didn't understand. I didn't like not being able to grasp everything, or put things in little boxes. Over time, I was more able to accept the fact that the more I can't understand, the more powerful God becomes in my eyes. It's hard to step back and say "God is good" in the middle of trials. Maybe I was about to question things, and this saved me from it. I don't know. But I do know that God's power is revealed every single day. In the big things, but also in the places I least expect them. Like in the voice of a two year old girl. I am weak, and I don't understand. But I will step back and say "it is good". Because in my inability to understand and utter weakness, God is good.

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10



Alena said...

Praise the Lord, Paige! I also had to relearn the lesson of God's goodness. Lately, it seems as though everything that could go wrong, was. The pressure that seemed to accompany it all was crushing me. But, just this morning, God impressed upon my heart that He is, indeed, good. Through everything. No matter how dark life appears. God is good... All the time.
Thank you, for sharing this....

Lindsey Ann Bledsoe said...

What a beautiful sentiment, and a great verse to compliment it. :-)